Rules of the Road 2.0

www.alfiespies.org
http://www.alfiespies.org

Having failed my driver’s test once, I can’t claim to be the best driver around. However, what I do know really well are the rules of the road—useless bits of information such as how to wait behind a streetcar in a city with no streetcars seem to stick really well in my head. So, you can imagine my immense surprise the first time that I saw massive herds of people jaywalking, or when a guy who clearly didn’t know how to turn right at a red light nearly hit me. The normal rules of the road seem to be ignored for the large part, by pedestrians and drivers alike; dealing with two sets of rules can be confusing so I’ve compiled what I like to call “Rules of the Road 2.0”.

Behold:

1) As long as there are enough people to walk with you, the permission of “the walking man” is not needed. No really, as a pedestrian, you always have the right of way because no one is going to want to hit you. So go ahead and take full advantage of that fact, even when that red hand is glaring back at you and the perpendicular lane has the green signal.

2) Drivers can turn right at a red light whenever they wish. I know that you were taught that you must wait for the road to be clear so that you don’t hit anyone but let’s be real: that girl walking across is going too slow to reach you during your turn and the five seconds that you have to wait are five seconds that you could spend… doing nothing of extreme significance that I can think of at this moment, but I’m sure you can think of some things.

3) The path may be marked for cyclists, but there are so few of them that you can go ahead and use that as a secondary sidewalk. Yes, there’s enough room on the road and you’ll end up in the way of someone who’s using that path for its designated purpose but at least you won’t have to worry about stepping in goose poop.

4) Although buses are supposed to be given right of way when they want to enter general traffic, you (the driver) were there first so you go ahead and zoom by, causing 30 people be late to their class because at least you’ll be on time.

5) Pedestrians, feel free to make your own judgments about when it’s your turn to walk with respect to which lights turn green. Yes, the green arrow for turning left is out of your field of view and so you’re probably taking someone else’s right of way away but like I said before, the term “right of way” doesn’t really seem to apply to you anyway.

Till next time,

Shaily

P.S. All jokes aside, please be respectful and safe guys when on the road guys 🙂

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