Finally, it’s over.
As I felt my pen slip through my slack fingers after demolishing the last final exam, I became flooded with one very profound realization: for the next two weeks, there would be no finals hanging above my head like axes that are about to fall; there would be no more sleepless nights spent in anxiety; and blessedly, there would be plenty of time to do all the slacking I would care to.
It’s a wonderful revelation….. Well, at least it was at the time.
Now it has been a week since I started a rigorous slacking schedule practicing the art of sleeping in, playing Legend of Zelda, and reading novels. For the past week, I just let the law of entropy take over in my life – I no longer needed to fight off the desires of procrastination – I just gave in.
However, as I spent days upon days slacking in order to enjoy life, the savor of life seemed slip from my frantic grasp. I can remember the magnetic pull that novels would exert on me when I have been studying to save my life, yet now that I have blazed though the chapters, that excitement seems to fade into a drudgery to escape an empty existence. The video games that almost became the death of my academic career now seemed to me as interesting as plain pasta . I have done all the things that I normally enjoy, but I feel as if I have been living a pale imitation of a life, a sorry excuse of existence.
Unfortunately, I have been force to come to this conclusion: life cannot be without tension. While too much tension can snap a person, too little tension sap the savour from life. A life spent in comfort without a hint of challenge is plain bland and stifling, just like my slack week.
I used to enjoy every lunch break during the final exam weeks because I knew that I have just increased my chance of surviving the final exam; but now, without that sense of satisfaction, that sense of accomplishment missing from my life.
Without tension, there seemed no longer to be a cohesiveness to my being. The very listless of my current existence made mock of and the sense of accomplishment that filled me during the final exam weeks. During those critical moments, I was a blade forged in determination and I felt strong and capable. Despite the stress, I found my peace and seized every moment and made the best of them. The tension and struggle was the spice to my existence because every spare moment from studying was a moment well earned and worthy of savouring, a victory of sorts.
Well, I suppose the very act of writing this blog post was a desperate attempt to inject that much-need sense of tension and purpose in my own life. It’s a wonderful feeling know that I have spent the last hour and half wrestling with my own feelings and transcribe them into words, and thus creating something that others might enjoy and benefit from. Loath as I may be to truncate my ranting of the day, I do need to take a well-deserved break… for now 🙂