The Science You Should be Working On

Who cares about finding a cure for cancer*? Here are some recent scientific breakthroughs all you science Scholars should really be getting involved with:

  • Baby perfume: several fashion houses are seeking scientific consultants to help develop lines of baby perfumes. There’s also a baby cologne on the market that will go perfectly with the credit-card “teethers”.
  • Germ terminators: what better way to fight disease than with a germ-killing robot? This is a Canadian innovation known as “Trudi” now being tested in a Vancouver hospital.
  • Fossilized tapeworms: rather than dissecting recently deceased animals, why not go digging through fossilized poop to find some tapeworm eggs? Well, really, I can’t think of a reason, but I’m sure you could justify yourself somehow…
  • Doggie breath freshener: because dog breath stinks. This is the scourge of pet-lovers everywhere.
  • Clumsy sports fans: one recent study found that Baltimore Ravens fans are more likely to damage their smartphones while watching games than 49ers fans. Perhaps this effect could explain the record of the Toronto Maple Leafs?

*Actually, curing cancer is probably more important. But only just.

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